King of Pop, King of Obits

I turn 30 this year. When Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was released, I was 4.

So in the hours after his passing, I found myself wondering, "How big of a deal could this sad freak show really be to people?"…Read more

Might as Well Jump ... for Joy

I saw Van Halen last night, suckers.

Not Van Hagar.

Not Van ... Cherone.

But Van Halen, the only way they were ever meant to be seen.

With David Lee Roth leading the charge.

I'd…Read more

ENFP, R2D2 and UB40

The Myers Briggs "humanmetrics" test says it can predict your personality type on the basis of your answers to 70 yes-or-no questions.

I don't think the test could accomplish that if it asked you 70,000 yes-or-no questions, spent all…Read more

Gotham or Bust

How long have I loved--and wanted to be--Batman?

It's difficult to judge. I'm no fanboy, certainly. I can't tell you the Batmobile's horsepower or the number of notches in the guy's utility belt.

But for as long as…Read more

The Secret of My Success

My 10-year high school reunion was this past weekend, which officially ushers me into my twilight years. The only good news is that I think I can access my 401(k) now.

I attended the casual meet-and-greet part of… Read more

The Great Cornholio

So go ahead and add corn on the cob to the list of foods I've recently discovered that I, in fact, love.

I know, I know. "Corn on the cob? It's delicious. Everybody knows that."

Well, sorry. I…Read more

I'm Your Huckleberry

I'm not often told that I resemble a celebrity, but when I do hear it, I usually don't understand it.

Eons ago when I had (long) hair,  I got the occasional comparison to Stevie Ray Vaughn, probably because we…Read more

What the Hell is a Jigawatt?

From kindergarten through fourth grade, I was enrolled in a private Baptist school where my mother also taught. I always fared well academically, and when the school closed down and I had to start attending public school, my good grades… Read more

Top Three Lies and Unsubstantiated Fantasies

1) It's nobody's fault.

This, of course, is patently stupid. It's always somebody's fault. Or maybe it's everybody's fault. But it's never nobody's fault. Someone is to blame. In my experience, that person generally is either me or President…Read more

Sounds Like a Country Song

Three or four years ago, I got into a fight in Five Points. It left me with a bloody lip, an acquaintance with a bruised face, and my drummer with a few minutes of lost time after being knocked out…Read more

All Dogs Go to Heaven

“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” -- Robert Louis Stevenson

For canine lovers, the words “I’m not a dog person” are confounding.

Yes, they’re…Read more